dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
