remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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