Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
