I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
