The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
