i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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