The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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