just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
