His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
