Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
