Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
