i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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