hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
