What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
