I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
