The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
