My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
