He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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