Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
you never un-have a 4some
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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