perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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