Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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