I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
