I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
