Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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