New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
