He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
