i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
