I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
