ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
