we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
