2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
