the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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