Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's shark week go big or go home
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
