6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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