If i come over, it means nothing
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
