I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
whose parrot is this?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
