first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
