He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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