You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
