Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Is it because I queefed?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
