So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
