my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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