i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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