Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
