Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
