If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
