Porn is love you can see.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
