found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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