I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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