yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
