i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
