you turned your livingroom into a bong?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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